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All the jokes on this page have been submitted to us before June 97 by visitors to our site and we are grateful to all of them for their efforts. Get your name published on the web with your own joke. We'll even include your email address if you like!


Here's one from BS in the UK (email address withheld).

Two men were picked up by the police. One was drinking battery acid, the other sniffing gunpowder. One they charged, the other they let off.


Here's one from DT (address unknown)

A man goes into a pet store and tells the owner he wants a dog. The owner gets out a fluffy poodle but the man says "No, I want a really BIG dog. One that will guard the house".

So, the owner gets out this huge dog and says "This dog should do - he's been trained in karate!

Amazed, the man says "That's incredible, let me see"

So, the owner pulls out a piece of wood and says "Karate the wood". In seconds the dog tears the wood apart.

So he buys the dog and takes it home to show to his wife. As he walks in with the dog he says "Darling, I've got a wonderful guard dog, he's been trained in karate!

"Karate", his wife says, "Karate, my Ass!".


And a short one from BS in Australia

What's yellow and dangerous?
Shark infested custard

Another from Katy in Arizona

How did the Pilsbury Doughboy die?
From a yeast infection!

Another from JG on AOL.

A tribe of cannibals are sitting in a circle cooking a clown, suddenly, the one who is stirring the pot turns around to the one seating next to him, offers him the spoon and asks:
"Doesn't this taste funny?"

And from PK

Why do Tuna swim in schools?
Because they can't get in to Tuna-versity!

Jokes from Guy "Riddler" Riddell; Email him if you like his jokes!

A man is walking down the street and he sees another man walking in front of him. On closer inspection he notices the man has a banana coming out of one ear, along with a cherry and some whipped cream while in the other ear there's a coconut and a big pineapple. So he stops the man and says "Excuse me but did you know you have bananas, coconuts and stuff coming out of your ears?"

The man replies "Sorry, you'll have to speak up - I'm a trifle deaf"

What's the difference between a buffalo & a bison?
You can't wash your hands in a buffalo!

Jokes from SMASR - email him your comments!

I had a dream that I was a muffler. When I woke up I was exhausted.

2 atoms are walking down the street. One says to the other "I think I'm an ion.". The other says "Are you sure?". He replies "Yes, I'm positive!"


There was a Pope who was greatly loved by all of his followers, a man who led with gentleness, faith and wisdom. His passing was grieved by the entire world, Catholic or not.

As the Pope approached the gates of heaven it was St. Peter himself who greeted him with a firm embrace "Welcome your holiness, your dedication and unselfishness in serving your fellow man during your life has earned you great stature in heaven. You may pass through The Gates without delay and are granted free access to all parts of heaven. You are also granted an open door policy and may at your own discretion meet with any heavenly leader, including the Father without prior appointment, Is there anything your Holiness desires?

"Well yes" the Pope replied. " I have often pondered some of the mysteries which have puzzled and confounded theologians through the ages. Are there perhaps any transcripts which recorded the actual conversations between The Lord and the prophets of old? I would love to see what was actually said, without the dimming of memories over time."

Saint Peter immediately ushered the Pope to the heavenly library and explained how to retrieve the various documents. The Pope was thrilled and settled down to review the history of man's relationship with The Lord. Two years later, a scream of anguish pierced the stacks of the library. Immediately several of the Saints and Angels came running.

There they found the Pope pointing to a single word on a parchment repeating over and over. "There's an "R" in it!!!...... There's an "R" in it!!!!...... There's an "R" in it!!!"

"It's.....It's ....It's CELEBRATE not celebate."


Think you can do better? Sure you can! Why not email your joke for inclusion in our visitors section to us at jokes@makeemlaugh.com. Please email jokes with your name and state or country for publication. Please let us have you name, address and telephone number (not for publication) and your email address indicating if you would like us to publish it with your joke!

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