In a departure from our normal material we thought you would like this
exposition of the differences between the various political systems we
have (from a site visitor)! More ideas please!
- FEUDALISM: You have two cows. Your lord takes some of the milk.
- PURE SOCIALISM: You have two cows. The government takes them and puts
them in a barn with everyone else's cows. You have to take care of all the
cows. The government gives you as much milk as you need.
- BUREAUCRATIC SOCIALISM: You have two cows. The government takes them
and puts them in a barn with everyone else's cows. They are cared for by
ex-chicken farmers. You have to take care of the chickens the government
took from the chicken farmers. The government gives you as much milk and
as many eggs as the regulations say you should need.
- FASCISM: You have two cows. The government takes both, hires you to
take care of them, and sells you the milk.
- PURE COMMUNISM: You have two cows. Your neighbors help you take care
of them, and you all share the milk.
- RUSSIAN COMMUNISM: You have two cows. You have to take care of them,
but the government takes all the milk.
- DICTATORSHIP: You have two cows. The government takes both and shoots
- MILITARIANISM: You have two cows. The government takes both and
- SINGAPOREAN DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. The government fines you
for keeping two unlicensed farm animals in an apartment.
- PURE DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. Your neighbors decide who gets the
- REPRESENTATIVE DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. Your neighbors pick
someone to tell you who gets the milk.
- AMERICAN DEMOCRACY: The government promises to give you two cows if
you vote for it. After the election, the president is impeached for
speculating in cow futures. The press dubs the affair "Cowgate".
- BRITISH DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. You feed them sheep's brains
and they go mad. The government doesn't do anything.
- BUREAUCRACY: You have two cows. At first the government regulates
what you can feed them and when you can milk them. Then it pays you not to
milk them. After that it takes both, shoots one, milks the other and pours
the milk down the drain. Then it requires you to fill out forms accounting
for the missing cows.
- ANARCHY: You have two cows. Either you sell the milk at a fair price
or your neighbors try to kill you and take the cows.
- CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.
- HONG KONG CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell three of them to
your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your
brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with
associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax
deduction for keeping five cows. The milk rights of six cows are
transferred via a Panamanian intermediary to a Cayman Islands company
secretly owned by the majority shareholder, who sells the rights to all
seven cows' milk back to the listed company. The annual report says that
the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. Meanwhile, you
kill the two cows because the feng shui is bad.
- ENVIRONMENTALISM: You have two cows. The government bans you from
milking or killing them.
- FEMINISM: You have two cows. They get married and adopt a veal calf.
- TOTALITARIANISM: You have two cows. The government takes them and
denies they ever existed. Milk is banned.
- POLITICAL CORRECTNESS: You are associated with (the concept of "ownership"
is a symbol of the phallo-centric, war-mongering, intolerant past) two
differently-aged (but no less valuable to society) bovines of
- COUNTER CULTURE: Wow, dude, there's like... these two cows, man. You
got to have some of this milk.
- SURREALISM: You have two giraffes. The government requires you to
take harmonica lessons.
- LAWFIRMISM: You have two cows. You force them to produce the milk of
four cows, then act surprised .
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