GOLF JOKES


The golf caddy - master of the put down! Here'a a few of our favorites!

GolferThis is the worst golf course I've ever played on!
CaddyThis isn't the golf course, sir! We left that an hour ago!
GolferWell Caddy, How do you like my game?
CaddyVery good, Sir! But personally I prefer Golf.
GolferWell, I have never played this badly before!
CaddyI didn't realize you had played before, Sir!
GolferCaddy, Do you think my game is improving?
CaddyOh yes, Sir! You miss the ball much closer than you used to!
GolferI'm sorry to not tee off today but my Doctor's told me I can't play golf!
CaddyOh, so he's played with you too, Sir!
GolferMy wife says if I don't stop playing golf she's going to leave me!
CaddyI'm sure you'll miss her terribly, Sir!
GolferCaddy, do you think it is a sin to play golf on Sunday?
CaddyThe way you play, Sir, its a crime any day of the week!
GolferPlease stop checking you watch all the time, caddy. It's distracting!
CaddyThis isn't a watch, Sir, its a compass!

The man was obviously having problems repeating the oath in the witness box. The judge looked down contemptuously, "Do you know how to swear?", he asked. "Of course I do, Your Honor", came the reply, " I'm your caddie".


He's (or She's) such a good golfer ....

  • he's really improved. Today he hit the ball in one!
  • he shout's "Fore" when he putts!
  • he just missed a hole in one - by 5 strokes!
  • he was sent to a psychiatrist because he thought golf was a game!
  • he can't help but cheat - when he got a hole in one he wrote 0 on the card!

If you like golf jokes you'll love our Lifestyle Cartoon collection with lots of royalty free sports cartoons on golf and other sports you can use in your golf club magazine, newsletter or notice board. Laughter gets you noticed.


A golf ball is a golf ball no matter how you putt it!

My Doctor said I should play 36 holes a day - so I bought a harmonica!

"You are so obsessed with golf you don't even remember the day we got married!"
"Of course I do. It was the day I sank this 40 foot putt at the 15th"
Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants?
In case he got a hole in one!!

The groom turned to his lovely wife in the wedding car and said "I have a confession to make to you. I am a golf fanatic. I live golf, I breath golf, I sleep golf. Its on my mind day and night"
"Well I have a confession too", said the Bride, "I'm a hooker".
"No problem", said the groom, reaching for her wrists. "Just hold your left hand a little higher with your thumb down...."
"I refuse to play golf with Jim ever again", complained Charlie at the bar. "He found his ball 2 foot from the green"
"Well that's quite possible", said the barman.
"Not when it's in my pocket", said Charlie!

Golf Cartoon

In our regular 9:00am foursome at our local club, we were all very surprised that Harry stopped as a distant hearse went past, laid down his club and doffed his cap.

"That's a very nice gesture", said Fred.

"It's the least I can do", said Harry putting his ball on the tee, "She was a very good wife to me!".


One day a man and his wife went to play golf at their local course. The man was having an especially good round when on the 15th hole he sliced his drive behind a large barn.

The man was just about to take an unplayable lie when his wife noticed that the barn had doors on both ends. She suggested that he open one set of the doors and she would open the other set and then he would have a clear shot through the barn to the green. So, the man took his 3-iron, swung away, hit the ball through the barn, but the ball hit his wife square in the head and she dropped over dead.

Two weeks later the man was playing the same hole and again sliced his drive behind the same barn. When his friend suggested that they hold the barn doors open, the man exclaimed, "Don't you remember what happened the last time?!?!? I got a double-bogey!!


Think you can do better? Sure you can! Why not email your joke for inclusion in our visitors section to us at jokes@makeemlaugh.com. Please email jokes with your name and state or country for publication. Please let us have you name, address and telephone number (not for publication) and your email address indicating if you would like us to publish it with your joke!

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