Keep smiling through Fat and Thin

A little bit over weight? I couldn't possibly say

Husband: My wife's so fat its criminal!
Shop Assistant: Don't worry, Sir, - she's bought a girdle to fit the crime!

Investor to Broker: What do you recommend about Pork bellies
Broker: Eat less and exercise more!

Patient: I'm sure I'm the right weight for my height, Doctor!
Doctor: In that case you must be 7 ft 7 inches tall!

Fat Woman: Why Officer, could you see me across the street?
Policeman: Well Ma'am, I could see you a mile off!

And here's the one-liners

She's so fat that:: - Her appendix scars two feet long; - She's been barred from one way streets; - She wore red and men hailed her for a bus!; - She wore yellow and men whistled at here - for a taxi!; - Her dress size is the one after Truck; - She put on her wedding dress and the family went snow blind!; - She watches her weight - its right out in front of her!; - She has more chins than a Chinese Telephone Directory!; - When she went for a passport photograph, they took it by satellite!; - She went sun bathing on the beach and the tide couldn't come in!; - She wears her stomach ankle length!; - Her wedding car was a U-Haul!; - When she passes the drugstore the scales hide!; - Just yesterday she tripped over her chins!; - She slipped into something comfortable - a truck!

Just to prove we're not sexist!

He's so fat, the only thing that gets thinner is his hair!

Samantha had been boring her friends to death about her new diet. That evening one of the friends went into the local restaurant and saw Samantha with a 2 inch thick double T-Bone, French fries, Potato, and all the trimmings.

"So that's what you mean about your diet then", said the friend

"I couldn't help it", cried Samantha, " I had to eat for strength to keep dieting!"

Think you can do better? Sure you can! Why not email your joke for inclusion in our visitors section to us at jokes@makeemlaugh.com. Please email jokes with your name and state or country for publication. Please let us have you name, address and telephone number (not for publication) and your email address indicating if you would like us to publish it with your joke!