Keep smiling through Fat and Thin

A little bit over weight? I couldn't possibly say

My wife's so fat its criminal!
Shop Assistant
Don't worry, Sir, - she's bought a girdle to fit the crime!
Investor to Broker
What do you recommend about Pork bellies
Eat less and exercise more!
I'm sure I'm the right weight for my height, Doctor!
In that case you must be 7 ft 7 inches tall!
Fat Woman
Why Officer, could you see me across the street?
Well Ma'am, I could see you a mile off!

And here's the one-liners

She's so fat that:
- Her appendix scars two feet long
- She's been barred from one way streets
- She wore red and men hailed her for a bus!
- She wore yellow and men whistled at here - for a taxi!
- Her dress size is the one after Truck
- She put on her wedding dress and the family went snow blind!
- She watches her weight - its right out in front of her!
- She has more chins than a Chinese Telephone Directory!
- When she went for a passport photograph, they took it by satellite!
- She went sun bathing on the beach and the tide couldn't come in!
- She wears her stomach ankle length!
- Her wedding car was a U-Haul!
- When she passes the drugstore the scales hide!
- Just yesterday she tripped over her chins!
- She slipped into something comfortable - a truck!

Just to prove we're not sexist!

He's so fat, the only thing that gets thinner is his hair!

Samantha had been boring her friends to death about her new diet. That evening one of the friends went into the local restaurant and saw Samantha with a 2 inch thick double T-Bone, French fries, Potato, and all the trimmings.

"So that's what you mean about your diet then", said the friend

"I couldn't help it", cried Samantha, " I had to eat for strength to keep dieting!"

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