The Demon Drink

Question? Why does an alcoholic have arthritis?
Answer: Because he's always stiff in one joint or another
Question? What's the difference between a drunk and an alcoholic?
Answer: A drunk doesn't have to go to meetings!
Question? What's the difference between rich man who drinks too much and a poor man who drinks too much.
Answer: The rich man's an alcoholic and the poor man's a drunkard!
The drunk staggers into the AA meeting and is met by the moderator. "I see you have come in to join us?"
"No", came the reply, " I joined last year - I've just come to resign"

He went out as fit as a fiddle and came home as tight as a drum.

Question? What do you get if you drink champagne out of ladies shoes?
Answer: Athletes Tongue.
Barman "Try my new cocktail - its called Card Table"
Drinker "Why?"
Barman "Have one and your legs fold up under you"
You think your bar or pub is a bad place to drink - here's a few descriptions you can apply.
The beer's so flat here they serve it on a plate
The barmen here are all midgets - it makes the drinks look bigger!
We call our bar (pub) Stradivarius - it's a vile inn!

Question? Why do you drink so much?
Answer: I've donated my body to science and I'm preserving it for them.
Answer: My wife drives me to it!
Well your lucky - I have to walk
Answer: I want to get into the record book of guinesses
Answer: I drink to forget!
Forget what?
I can't remember! Gosh it must be working!

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