The Demon Drink

Why does an alcoholic have arthritis?: Because he's always stiff in one joint or another
What's the difference between a drunk and an alcoholic?: A drunk doesn't have to go to meetings!
What's the difference between rich man who drinks too much and a poor man who drinks too much.: The rich man's an alcoholic and the poor man's a drunkard!

The drunk staggers into the AA meeting and is met by the moderator. "I see you have come in to join us?"
"No", came the reply, " I joined last year - I've just come to resign"

He went out as fit as a fiddle and came home as tight as a drum.

What do you get if you drink champagne out of ladies shoes?: Athletes Tongue.

Barman "Try my new cocktail - its called Card Table": Drinker "Why?"
Barman "Have one and your legs fold up under you"

You think your bar or pub is a bad place to drink - here's a few descriptions you can apply.: The beer's so flat here they serve it on a plate; The barmen here are all midgets - it makes the drinks look bigger!; We call our bar (pub) Stradivarius - it's a vile inn!

Why do you drink so much?: I've donated my body to science and I'm preserving it for them.; My wife drives me to it!; Well your lucky - I have to walk; I want to get into the record book of guinesses; I drink to forget!; Forget what?; I can't remember! Gosh it must be working!

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